Renew, restart, refocus

I've always been really bad at journals. Anyone who actually still follows this blog already knew that. Another thing I haven't been good at these last few years is writing really ANYTHING. Well, recently I decided to start making my writing more of a priority, to start really working towards the goals that I have for myself and my life as a writer.

One of the things I decided to do was to restart my blog. I considered just starting where I left off here... but then I realized that the purpose for which I originally started this blog wasn't really for writing. It was more of a way to keep in touch with people I no longer saw, and a way to get some things out of my system. So, I decided to start up a new blog, somewhere else, one that would focus entirely on my goals as a writer and what I was doing to meet them.

here is the link to the new blog, for anyone who is interested: http://www.dreamerdocuments.wordpress.com

The name of it is still Dreamer Documents, and you'll still see me posting there as Jennifer L. Post. ^-^ The only difference is that all of the posts will be about what I am currently doing with my writing, as opposed to random occurrences in my life or odd things I've been thinking about. They'll probably be a lot shorter as well.

I can't say whether I will continue posting in THIS blog, although I will definitely be leaving it up for the time being. I want to say "Thanks very much!" to everyone who has been keeping tabs on me and reading all of my odd thoughts here. ^-^

A New Adventure

Here is a very special story... Short, but veeeery sweet! I have not been so excited to write something since I first began Falcon of Ganst. ^-^

Hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

The Adventure Begins

We were heading into his house on friday night, to make our anniversary cake. As we were walking he grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards a particular part of the driveway.

"I think this is the spot," he said.

"What spot?" I tilted my head and gazed at him. I genuinely had no idea what he meant.

"This is the spot where we first kissed."

"Oh, it is, isn't it!" I laughed. General mushiness reigned for a minute or two. Then, blithely, I turned towards the house. "Now let's go make some cake!"

But he pulled me back again.

Deep in my stomach I felt a little flutter; although I could not say why. It was only for a moment, so I paid it no mind. He held my hands and I smiled at him.

"What's up?"

"Jennifer Lynn Post," he looked into my eyes, "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Another woman, with another man, would probably have experienced a stunning thrill. She may well have dared that tiny, breathless thought; good gods this is it! I, however, had become perfectly accustomed to such declarations over the past year or so. I felt a thrill, but it was a familiar one.

"That's awesome, I feel the same about you!" I said, with a kiss and another smile for my own dear Scholar. Once again I turned to head into the house.

Once again he pulled me back.

"You are a pain in the butt," he informed me. He was frustrated for some reason; but still he grinned in my direction.

"And so are you!" I laughed. "We are perfect for each other." He laughed too, for a moment. Then he squeezed my hands, trying to look very serious.

"Okay... Jennifer Lynn Post, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he paused, slipping down to one knee. That stunning thrill hit me, dead in the chest, stopping my heart for a moment as he reached into his pocket and brought forth a small black box.

"Will you marry me?"

The outdoor light glinted off elegant swirls in a rose gold hue. I could hear my heart beat again, but now my brain was dead. Silence settled around us; until a single word pushed its way through the swirling mass of joy that fogged my head.

"Yes." All thoughts and feeling, words and movement, rushed back in one breath. They filled me up till I was a real girl once again. "Yes I will marry you!"

Costumes and Stories

Haha, almost exactly one year since my last post... this is turning out a lot like my diary.

Anyhow, Halloween is almost here! Whoo! I finally have actually plans about what I'm doing! The sunday before, Lucas and I are going to a dance party. It is hosted by this church youth organization called The Well, so there will be no drinking and most of the costumes SHOULD be a least slightly tasteful. ^-^ There will also be a costume contest and LOTS of dancing!

Lucas and I are going as Little Red and The Wolf, sort of masquerrade/1920's style. ^-^ Been having a grand old time getting costumes together! I actually have two costumes, since my red lounge-singer dress would not work out well to wear at work. So for when I work on Halloween I am dressing up as my own version of Spider Girl! Lucas finds this hilariously ironic. XD

The end of October also means something else, NaNoWriMo approacheth! At the moment I'm having doubts about what story I am going to do... but I'm thinking probably going to stick with my War of the Sisters one... Adorable evil pyromaniacs and stammering semi-nobles are just so much fun to write! And besides that, pretty soon Rhylii enters the picture. Fae + Rhylii can only = awesome fun. ^-^

Whatever I decide, I will be actually posting here about it. Maybe it will give me some sense of accountability and help me to actually finish this time! Wahoo!

Picking Things Up

I love a cleaning kind of day. My brain feels fresh and useful, and I get to see my bedroom floor again. Huzzah! It amazes me how much neater my room looks when all I've done is DO MY LAUNDRY. What amazes me more is how long it takes me to get to the point where I want to do it. It probably doesn't help that I now have a big enough wardrobe that it doesn't become a problem for about a week or so, heh.

At least recently though, I've had a little bit of an excuse for neglecting my laundry. In fact I've had a big, exciting reason! You ready to hear it? ...I have gotten back into writing!! Huzzah! Hurray! *cue jumping and shouting and general merrymaking* ... *oh yes, cue confetti also*

To tell the truth, I never really 'got out' of writing. If I stopped writing completely my brain would probably explode. The thing is, for the last year and a half at least, I really haven't been doing much more than brainstorming, puttering around with story outlines, and writing the occaisional 'super angsty and depressed' poem in runic viking... hehehe... What's funny is you probably think I'm totally kidding about that last one.

Anywho, I finally decided to buckle down on my writing. I even went down to B&N's and picked up a copy of the brand new Novel and Short StoryWriter's Market. Whoo! Ohmygoodness what an AWESOME book that is! I mean, there is a huge list of magazines, what kind of writing they take, how to send it in, and all that good stuff. And not only that! There are also advice articles on all kinds of awesome things. I've not yet read each and every one, but so far my favorites are Critique Groups and Reading With A Writer's Eye.

Other proactive kinds of writing things I've been doing involve picking out the best of my currently completed short stories to further edit and send out into the wide scary world. And I finally put together a sort of idea of how I want the TFG chapter I've been stuck on for so long to go, and hopefully flow. ^-^ Huzzah! I sent it out to my trusted writing friends for some thoughts and critique. Hopefully I'll hear back from them soon... (Yeah, you know who you are! *directs big shiny kitty eyes upon her kindly frienditors*)

Oh yes, and I also wrote a nice middle-length note for my blog. ^-^ Yup, things do indeed seem to be picking up.

A Happier Post Script

I just realized that my last post is rather long, sorry. I'm also sorry that the first post in sooooo very long had to be so very melancholy. It has been so much on my heart of late that I really couldn't write about anything else; even though I have definitely been up to some fun stuff recently.

I would like to leave you with something happy though; something bright that always flashes into my mind when I find myself drawn to these particular birthday memories. Just one little sweet story before I finally go to bed...

Last year on my birthday, after a mostly blah night of bad ideas, disapointments, and holding back sad thoughts, I was riding in the car with Lucas. Leaning against the window, I smoothed a ruffle on my pretty, practically wasted, birthday dress and said something like, "I really just wanted to dance somewhere... I can't believe they didn't have any dancing," in a half-sighing, forlorn kind of voice.

To this, my wonderful Scholar replied, "Well, I can't think of anywhere else the might have dancing... Want to go walking somewhere?" It was too late to go down to our usual spot by the bridge though. Somehow we ended up at Wal-Mart, walking up and down the aisles and talking. I guess it's sort of funny to go strolling around a store late at night, all dressed up; but it was fun.

Then Lucas said something like, "You know, I bet the music sample board in that one aisle has some slow songs on it. We could go dance to that."

"Really? You wouldn't mind?"

And he smiled that special smile that's just mine and said, "Course not."

So we went to the aisle and we picked an album with lovely, slow love songs off the board... and even though it only played about 10 seconds of the same four songs every time we pushed the button, he held me close and we swayed slowly, round and round. In the middle of an aisle at Wal-mart, we danced. I cannot think of a more perfect way to end one's birthday.

Memories of 21

What's this? Is it an actual NEW POST!? Fear not, your eyes are not deceiving you... and you aren't crazy either! Isn't that nice to know? ^-^ A new post indeed!

I have been having a hard time sleeping lately. I think it's been 3 weeks since it started. Can't say why... well I could, except that the 'reason' would probably change tomorrow. Honestly I can't seem to pin it down. I just can't sleep. So I find myself sitting up late into the early morning, playing silly but time consuming flashy-type games, and thinking about all kinds of things. And one of the things I've been thinking about is my birthday, last year. Well, sort of the whole time around it really.

My birthday is the 23rd of March, in case you didn't know. That was just last week. I'm 22 now, and I even managed to plan some really fun stuff to do by way of celebration. (I'll probably post some stuff about that later) I was so excited the whole week leading up to my big plans. It was like I had frothy, plotty bubbles in my head. That's exactly how is was last year too. I had so many plans, and I was sure they were all going to turn out just amazingly.

But they didn't really.

It started the day before my birthday, March 22nd. We had a family party at my Aunt's house. I know for a fact that the cake was delicious and that all 10+ members of my close-about family sang to me in various keys, pitches, volumes, and accents... all at once... because that's how birthday parties always are with our family. ^-^ Beyond that however, things are just a foggy haze of smiles that I wanted to mean but didn't really, and sneaking off to the bathroom to cry.

The reason for this had nothing to do with my family at all. I just so happened to have opened an email right before we left for my Aunt's... I am trying my level best not to be too Anne-ishly dramatic, so I will simply say that this was how I found out that a very good friend of mine had died.

She was one of my writing ladies, and she was wonderful. She had a big heart, and a hearty laugh. I could tell when I first met her that she dearly loved to laugh. She was a very candid person. Whether it was constructive critizism and questions about someone's writing, thoughts or feelings about her struggles with cancer, or just something scandelous and giggle-worthy; she was not afriad to share what was on her mind.

I just remember thinking over and over, "How could such a woman no longer be in the world?" But, I think the thing that shocked me the most, that rocked me to my core, was the fact that she had died in January... and I had no idea. I hadn't even been thinking of her, or my other writing ladies, even though I knew she had been having a bit of trouble with her cancer returning. I was too busy with work, with my brand new boyfriend, to look beyond my own little happy bubble.

About two weeks later, somewhere around the 3rd of April, my dad's family called to tell us that one of my older cousins, one of my dad's nieces, had gone into a coma. Three days later we learned she was braindead, she died. We'd sort of lost contact with my dad's family, but this cousin would sometimes email me, or comment on my Elfwood stories. She used to talk to me online about favorite books and my plans for my writing. I remember she was so excited about us moving back down to California... she wanted our address to send birthday cards to, she kept saying she hoped we would come down and visit her in Sacremento... that I would visit her. I never did, I never even spoke much with her after we moved down. I was too... busy.

These are some of the things I've been thinking about during these recent nights of not-sleeping. In fact, these are the things I think about when I realize that I haven't talked to my Mom in nearly a week, or called my sister-friend in months... that I don't even know what is going on in my own sisters' lives. What a terrible thing it is to be too busy. What a waste it is too spend precious time avoiding and being angry at each other.

I can't turn back time and send more emails, make more calls, laugh more laughs, or put off some other plans to pay a visit. I can, however, strive to never make that mistake again. That was one of my two New Year's resolutions actually, to keep more in touch with my friends. I pray that God will help me keep that resolution too... he certainly knows the best how prone my mind is to wandering and getting lost in its own little worlds. ^-^

Cue Musical Interlude

Interrupting my not-so-regular and very unschedualed posting to share something from my favorite early-morning addiction, vh1 music videos...



Reasons I love Gravity: Firstly, the music video itself is just... classic awesome. Everytime I watch it I see something that I missed before. Secondly, I just love this lady's voice! And the song, ohmygosh soooo lovely and forlorn, and kind of haunting. I have been humming and singing bits of it for weeks.

Happy Hearts and Tunnel Vision: A Return to Backposting, part 1

Ah, procrastination. Have you ever noticed that it gets easier the longer you do it? "Hmmm, I should do this and this; but, it's already been six months since I SHOULD have done it... what's another day?" What a devious, clever, wicked little trap it is. No wonder I fall for it every time. Seriously though, a November-May gap isn't so bad for me, just ask my poor neglected diary. I have a couple entries in there that skip YEARS from one page to the next.

So let's see, where was I? Oh right, November... November was interesting. In case anyone is wondering, no, I did not even get CLOSE to finishing my NaNoWriMo project; although I did learn that Kimi-chan makes characters that are very fun to write! ^-^ You may hear more about WotS as a result... I am still working on plots and characters for it.

Other cool things that happened in November? We got a house! That's right, I am currently typing this post from my OWN computer in my OWN room (well, technically I share it with Tetsu-chan, but still...), in a house that we are renting. Also, I believe it was sometime in November that I started playing D&D with my cousin and Lucasa. Don't be too shocked now. I know there are a LOT of stereotypes about D&D, but I'm here to tell you that it's basically just an RPG video game minus the box, and plus as much roleplaying as you want... and it's waaaaay fun! Expect to hear more about it, as well as tales of my awesome cleric character. ^-^

And so we move to December, wherein I got a job! Wait, let me add some more exclamation points onto that... I got a job!!!! I hardly need to tell you how excited I was. Not only because it is a GREAT job, but because I no longer had to go out LOOKING for a job.

Honestly, looking for a job is almost the worst part of not having one. You fill out all these applications and things, give them to people, come in every few days to check up on them, pray that they'll call you, and then if they do call you, pray that they like you and your 'credentials' enough to hire you. To me it feels rather like I would imagine being in a slave market to be like. Everytime I walked in somewhere to turn in an application I could see it like a scene in my mind:

[The gathered crowd of nobles and merchants watched, some with mild interest and others with barely concealed boredom, as two amazon-esque women dragged the tiny red-head up onto the auction block. Just a little while before she had been painstakingly dressed to best advantage, and yet she still felt totally naked beneath the piercing stares of the people with pasted on smiles. Were they deciding her fate already?

"Remember to smile," the auctioneer whispered fiercely. Oh, right, how could she have forgotten? Somehow she managed to force her quivering lips into the very timidest of smiles.

The auctioneer scowled a little, but continued, "Ladies and Gentlemen! Up next on the block we have this lovely 20 year old high-school graduate with no degrees! Look at those nice clothes, and that happy smile! Wouldn't you like to have such a well-dressed and cheerful girl as part of your workforce? Of course you would!"

The red-head tried a slightly brighter smile, hoping that the crowd's silence was somehow a good thing... she also steadfastly attempted to ignore the auctioneer as he hurried on.

"She has no criminal history, and she has never been fired! Past jobs include summer camp, preschool, and a short stint as temporary office staff!" The red-head's eyes darted frantically to the amazon women. Temporary what? She had addressed and stuffed envelopes with advertisements. She hadn't even been in the office!

"It sounds better..." one of the amazons whispered. "You want people to bid don't you? Now smile!"]

I have to admit, I kind of love how dramatic things always sound in Writerese. ^-^ In reality, I know it wasn't all that bad; but it certainly felt like it. Eventually though, I did get a callback for a job at a little store in the mall called 'Candy Tyme'. That's right people, I work at a Candy Store! Probably the sweetest job ever... hehehe Besides that, I have this huge sense of accomplishment knowing that I'm helping pay the rent and utilities and all that important stuff.

Other cool things in December included more D&D... also Christmas was fun. ^-^ Just having that much family around at Christmas, and somehow managing (with my very little budget) to find all of them a little something that they really liked, was such a blast. I love the look on people's faces when you give them something they really wanted, or didn't even KNOW that they wanted. It's totally priceless.

Oh yes, and I also got some neat presents myself.

I think December was when I really started coming out of the horrible zombie-esque state into which I had fallen after our move. Probably because I had things to do. People should never underestimate the power of things you have to do when it comes to helping you actually feel up to doing the things you like to do... also hanging around with friends. Mhmm, friends are good medicine.

Lookit that, two months covered! Nice. Now, now, I know what you're thinking: "But Jenn, where is the dishy gossip you promised us? This is... nice, but it is hardly dishy gossip!" Okay, so maybe you weren't thinking that... but just in case I would like to say, "Fear not! We still have four more months to catch up on! So tune in next time..."

High Adventure on Highway 99

Warning, parts of this post may confuse you since it's been well over four months since my last update. You're just going to have to wait for catch-up stuff though, because I'm feeling lazy... Which is okay, cause it's totally juicy gossip, I swear! *winks* Although, can you call it gossip if it's about you? Hmmm...

Alrighty so, we set our story laaaaast tuesday... at least I'm pretty sure it was tuesday. It was bright and sunny and very, very hot. Pretty much an average April day here in Redding. My Scholar and his brother came to pick me up at elvenish, so I could ride-along with them to Chico. Whoo! I'd never been to Chico before, so I was pretty excited.

The trip down was pretty uneventful, but interesting. Highway 99 has lots of cool stuff along it. Little towns with little businesses that all have someone's name attached like, 'Lucy's Diner', lots of really pretty trees, and some awesome spots where it looks like the grass runs right along the edge of the sky. We did some chatting, but didn't talk a lot. Clay was pretty happy in the backseat with his music or his computer, and the Scholar and I are pretty content with silence until we think of something to talk about.

Chico itself was really cool. Somehow, from hearing people talk about it I kind of got the idea that it was this huge sort of metropolitan city with huge buildings and lots of pavement and all. But that's not how it is. It is big, but I found it pretty cute... at least the parts I saw. There were trees EVERYWHERE. And I mean big, leafy, lovely trees all along the sidewalks and just everywhere. Way more than in Redding, except for places like Turtle Bay.

The three of us weary travelers (and yes, you can be weary after only about an hour and a half of driving if the temperature is over at least 70) went to a mongolian barbeque place called Hula's. Mongolian barbeque is not my favorite, I have decided. Of course, maybe I just got too much meat and noodles and not enough veggies, who knows. I am willing to give it another try certainly... definately with less noodles. They had this weird texture and taste to them... blech. Not even a quarter as good as the ones my Scholar made for me. ^-^

Anywho, we continued on to a comic store. I found some cool Dragonlance stuff there! But, they had a reeeaaally small manga section. *sigh* Not that I had any money, but it's always fun to browse around. ^-^ After that we hit the college out in Butte, which was actually the point of going to Chico, so some photos belonging to the Scholar could be retrieved from a teacher there. This involved some walking around in the oppressive heat, which I must admit I did not appreciate, and then lots of waiting around in the heavenly cold of the place of photography classes and working of photos... which I totally did appreciate.

There is just something about the heat here which makes me sort of wish I was one of those girls who could dramatically faint and have to be carried around. My problem is really that I have too much pride to just collapse. I must push myself, try to keep up, and when asked say things like, "No, really I'm okay. I can go a little bit more." until there is absolutely no other option. Which is silly I guess, and yet somehow gratifying when it's all over and done. Certainly gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Pride goeth before a fall' though, doesn't it?

But I digress, which is pretty horrible of me when I'm coming up the most exciting part of the story!

After procuring aqua goodness and icey-delicious juice pops (curtesy of Clay), we headed back towards Redding. At first it was pretty much like the before. Pleasently quiet, with much scenery gazing and a smattering of conversation... mostly centered around how many juice pops we could eat before they melted or we started feeling sick. heh. Then, I heard "What's that?" and I looked up to see what looked like a black plastic bag sort of bouncing down the road towards us. It only took a couple of seconds for us to realize that it was neither plastic, nor a bag, but a large square metal thing heading right for us! Gasp!

The Scholar tried to go around it, didn't quite manage, and then there was this horribly loud 'CLANK!', accompanied by what a seemed a very large jolt of the car. Clay thought we had hit another vehicle. I am not ashamed to admit that I totally screamed. Not like, histarically; but it was super startling and scary! You would have screamed too, if it happened to you...

We pulled over on the side of the highway and, lo and behold, we discovered that the left front tire was flat. Did I mention that it was really hot out, windy too, and Clay was feeling kind of sick from eating so many juice pops? We kind of just stood around for a little while, trying to figure out what had happened, what we'd hit, and where it had come from. Everything had that dazed 'well what now?' kind of feeling to it; which is a pretty good sign that you're having an adventure. People in adventures tend to have those moments when they haven't the slightest clue what's going on...

Eventually however, things got sorted out. The guys set about getting out the spare tire and replacing our flat with it. Meanwhile I, not wanting to be totally useless, decided to go treking along the highway to find out what was the black thing that we hit. I feel this part of the tale is best rendered in writerese.

[The warm wind whipped my hair around like a wild-thing as I set out upon my quest. Ahead of me I could see my goal: a black spot shimmering in the afternoon heatwaves radiating from the tarmak; mere echoes of the oppressive intensity of the sun beating down upon my head. My progress seemed insanely slow, each step a great effort that got me nowhere at all. Compared to the vehicles whipping by every so often, so close I actually held my breath each time I saw a new one coming, I might as well have been crawling.

Undaunted, persistant, and ignoring what sounded like omninous rustlings in the tall grass next to me, I continued on. After a while, I know not how long, the path before me began to shrink little by little, and the object I sought grew larger and larger. Finally it lay at my feet, a strange metal rectangle that burned my hand as I picked it up.

"But, what is it?"]

There now, isn't that much better than just saying that I walked back along the road, grabbed the strange metal thing we had hit, and then walked back to the boys to see if they knew what the heck it was? I thought so.

To finish off this little story that has somehow become longer than most of my other posts, I will say that the spare tire was successfully attached and we made it back to Redding in good time. None of us had a clue what the weird thing was that we hit; so we brought it back with us. I heard that it was later identified as a tie-down sort of deal off the side of one of those big semi's.

Thinking about it now, and the way it came from across the road boucning all crazy like, I have to say that it is probably a miracle, and definately a blessing that it only hit the tire. It could have easily smashed into the windshield or a side window, or hit something bad under the car. Praise the Lord for his great protection and mercy.

And that's the end of the story. Far off lands, bright new sights, near escapes, braving the dreadful heat and unknown peril, and living to tell about it... Truly, the very stuff that great adventures are made of!

(Thanks muchly for Scholarly editing notes involving names and directions. *hugs*)

Personality Signs

For as long as I can remember I have been jokingly telling people, "Oh yeah, watch out. I'm a red-headed aries born in the year of the dragon!" Might actually be where the whole 'crazy red-head' deal started. ^-^

Okay now, personally, I think that the whole astrology thing is a big load of bilge... however, the personlity traits that belong to certain signs have always fascinated me. Especially since sometimes I really don't seem to fit my as'sign'ed personality. (sorry could... not... resist... pun!)

For instance, in the western-style signs I am an Aries. However, everytime I read stuff about Aries personalities I always think, "Wow, that is not really me." Except for this one I read in a fashion mag once that said Aries girls have a thing for red lipstick... ^-^ I have always felt that Pisces represented my personality better. I'm not the only one either, my sisters agree with me. However, I will admit to having a few glaringly 'aries' traits... such as stubborness (to a fault at times XD), a little rebelish-ness, as well as being a tiiiiiny bit impulsive. (Loralin's totally laughing right now... yes I SEE you woman! Chortling...)

Anyways, I've sort of taken to calling myself an Aries with extreme Pisces tendancies. ^-^

Now the chinese astrology signs are a lot more interesting. Seriously, look it up on wikipedia. You get one for the year you're born, one for the month, and one for the HOUR. Supposedly the year sign is what other people see you as, the month is what YOU see you as, and the hour is what you really are. Not only that, but there are elements involved too, if you really want to go deep. I think have to do with the year cycle as well.

Pretty snazzy right? And you thought it was simple and stuff! ^o^ Yeah, I did too for a long time, and I was pretty excited when I looked more into it because, shockingly enough, I never felt much like a dragon either. Turns out that other people think I am a dragon and I think I am a rabbit, which is actually what I am. ^-^ Go me on the self-knowledge deal! Whoo! I'm an earth element, I think... with some watery tendancies.

I'm not entirely sure how accurate it is, but in Irish/Gaelic astro my tree is a hazelnut and my other sign is a raven. I have to look up the personality thing for that, as it's not as popular as the first two. Also, I want to find out my blood-type so I can go find my japanese personality type... cause that's what they do it by. ^-^

Now, you're probably wondering, 'Hey Jenn, why the signs spiel?" ...if not, I'm going to tell you anyways. Honestly? There's been a couple of things lately that have made me rethink some of my original ideas about my personality... I mean, I always thought the stubborness (and lipstick thing) was my only real Aries trait, but recently I've realized I'm a little more of a ram than I thought. XD

For instance, I've realized that I'm really impulsive. The other night my mom and I ran to wal-mart really late for like, household stuff... I was in it for the cheezits and a shonen jump really. When I went over to the magazine aisle to snag mah Jump, I saw, upon the book shelves crammed with Twilight and myriad other things I will never read... InkDeath, the conclusion to the Inkheart trilogy!! Ohmygosh, I have been waiting, and waiting , and waaaaaaaiting for this book to come out! (Loralin got in it german like, MONTHS and moths ago and I almost turned green, seriously.) I was so elated I snagged it right off the shelf and proceeded to buy it. Nevermind that it was 20 something bucks and I'd only come in for cheezits! The next day I ended up taking it back because I realized firstly, that it was a hardback and wouldn't match my other two books, and secondly that I had no time to actually read it. >.<

There are some other things, pressures and issues that can only really happen when you're crammed into a house with 9 other people, and they've made me see some things in myself that I never saw before... which was why I was thinking about signs and personalities.

Oh yes, and I've taken the choleric/melancholy/phlegmatic/sanguine test... and scored almost even in all of them. I'm just an odd, odd child.

November is for Lewis'

So, I am begining to think that I totally fail at NaNoWriMo. Heh, I am just too Tolkein-ish for my own good. As hard as I try, I can't help but edit and critique each sentence as I write it. So, it took me about a week or some to get about 500 hundred words! >.< *sigh*

Add to that the fact that I've decided that the story I was working on could not possibly even WORK for writing so fast - due to gaping plot holes that need to be patched and a lot of world-work to be added in and such - it leaves me about two weeks to get to 50,000 words. Lol I'm pretty sure I'm not going to make it... but I'm certainly not giving up! I'll keep on typing and scribbling as fast as ever I can (which is, as I've said, not very fast) right up till midnight on the 30th, and then... well, then I'll go back to trying to finish The Falcon of Ganst. XD

I never did post anything about WHAT I was trying to write for NNWM though, did I? Originally, I started out with Drace, which was an old roleplay I used to run. It was a really fun story and a really good plot. Also, I might add, it marked the use of my first interesting villain. (I do not count Rahkin from 'Dragon's Hero', both because I never finished that story either *smacks herself on the forehead* and because he didn't really become an interesting character till I did some editig, AFTER Drace was started. heh)

I have actually been planning to turn Drace into a story for quite some time. I even asked Zanillo (my right hand man and favorite player in the roleplay) for permission to use his character, Kayodin, in it. Because seriously, without Kayodin it wouldn't be Drace! But, I digress...

I started out with a prologe I had been thinking of adding, and got stuck right away on some description. XD After I finally got past that I moved along pretty well, until I realized that this wouldn't really work that well as a prologe. So then I tried to do another one. I'm sort of a linear writer. I have a hard time writing things out of order. It probably would have worked better though, to just start right in on the first chapter. >.<

I finally got to the point though, where I realized that I couldn't just follow the set plot I already had, mostly because I couldn't figure out how I wanted to write the different points of view. After thinking about it, I think I might just come up with an entirely different sequence of events and change the plot-line a little. Honestly, when I was fourteen, plot-holes and inconsistancies didn't matter that much to me. Plus, I did not have any clear idea of how the world was ordered at that point. I was kinda flying by the seat of my pants. XD

So, I've set Drace aside for now and I'm currently working on WotS (War of the Sisters), ANOTHER old rp I used to run... along with Kimi-chan. It didn't get nearly as far as Drace, and I think that might just help me out. More seat-of-pants flying. ^-^

I could really use a wing and a prayer right about now, heh.

When it rains...

Everything has been so dry around here since we arrived. Very hot, and there were fires all over because there just wasn't any rain to be seen. A few weeks back we had some drizzles, but it was basically nothing. Everything was dry again in a few hours.

Someone must have hit a switch SOMEWHERE! Or else the sky just finally cracked open.

This weekend the temperature dropped about 30 degrees, and it started raining in earnest. On hallow's eve it was sort of annoying, on and off showers that made it nessicary for me to cart an umbrella around with my trick-or-treating pillowcase. XD Saturday it was heavier, lots heavier. You should have seen all the big fat earthworms crawling out of the grass onto the pavement. I was going to grab some for my uncle; but he said that he had all he needed already... He also reminded me that you're not supposed to speak to strange worms. lol

And then yesterday... yesterday was such a storm! Lighting flashing across the sky, thunder rumbling. Oh it was grand! ^-^ I wish that I'd had a chance to go outside and run around in it. There's just something about being outside during a real and true rainstorm, I can't describe it. It's like being in another world. All you hear is the rain drops pounding down, you feel the water all around you, and then all of a sudden the lightning splits acrss the sky like some kind of fantastic crazy ribbon. You can almost feel the shockwave run through the air as the thunder booms overhead. And there's no other feeling like it.

Of course, when you've finished dancing in the rain, nothing's cozier than coming inside, wrapping yourself in blankets and snugggling down with something warm and a good book... or a fun psp game! ^-^

It's still raining hard today, and I'm enjoying the chilly air and the feeling of... density, as if everything is wrapped up in a dark grey blanket. It's put me in a funny, dreamy sort of mood. The kind of mood where I love to listen to all the songs that pull at my heart strings. It's sort of strange. Right now, in this moment, with the sky pouring out it's heart outside and 'May It Be' playing in my headphones, I feel perfectly contented and forlorn at the same time. If I close my eyes, I can see the view from my own bedroom window again, I can see the mountains and the river, I can see the the snow falling so softly and noiselessly.

I'll say it's Alaska that I'm missing; but I know that's not the truth... not the whole truth. To tell the whole truth would be like cracking the sky open again. And you know what they say, 'When it rains... it pours.'

Pumpkin Flavored Musings

Heh, somehow it seems that I always get these posts out a couple days AFTER the event which inspired them... perhaps my brain just needs to roll them around a bit before spitting them out?

So yeah, Halloween... I recently gained a whole new perspective of it, in sort of a strange way. See, ever since we got here I've been almost glued to the Tuner Classic Movies channel. Usually I flip through all the movies that are on during the week, record ones that seem interesting, and then watch them late at night when there's no one to complain about my taste in musicals. ^-^ There's just something about watching certain kinds of things by yourself that makes them more fun. I bet it ties into my obsession with being up late at night. Hmmm

Anyways, a few weeks ago I watched 'Meet Me in St. Louis', which is a lovely sweet old movie with Judy Garland in it. ^-^ It basically follows this family through a whole year, and the stuff that happened on halloween, well, it made me realize why some Christian's refuse to have anything to do with that particular holiday. For the first time in my life, I could actually see where they were coming from. Some of the old ways of celebrating halloween are really strange, and definately had obvious symbolic conotations that I myself do not agree with. And I don't mean waaaaay back in pagan times. I'm talking as close as the 50's. O.O Crazy huh? Our elders might not be as cracked as we kids always think they are.

However, as far as I can tell how most people celebrate halloween today is waaaay different from them. It's like, for once our obsessive commercialization of holidays has done us some good! I'm not saying there aren't still things about halloween that Christian's ought to avoid. Personally, I stay away from anything to do with ghosts, demons, and things of that nature. I also don't really go in for the 'watch the scariest movies you can find' on halloween deal... although, I will admit to watching a couple of the milder ones with my family and such, purely for the comraderie. However, I see no problem at all with dressing up as something fun, carving funny faces in pumpkins, and begging candy from all your neighbors. ^-^ Of course, I never pass up an opportunity for some dress-up, lol. (yes, I'll have some pictures up soon)

All in all, I've come to realize that the whole halloween issue is just one of those many details of the Christian life that comes down to two basic things: perception and conviction. The way you see things can change how you feel about them in amazing ways, and everyone sees things in a different way. It's important to be able to see that, to be able to look outside our own perceptions and realize it's okay to see things differently. If we can do that, while still holding true to the convictions God has laid on us personally, wow. Can you imagine how cool that would be? ^-^

Oh yes, and I'd like to wish you all a happy National Novel Writing Month! Expect to hear some chatter about what I'm doing for it... hehe

Walking the Dog

A couple of days ago my mom and I took our dog Angel, who is a white boxer and sooooo cute, out on a walk. Not too far, just around my aunt's neighborhood.

If you go down this one street for awhile you get to a dead end, and then there is only hills rolling along. It's really cool actually. Sort of like a whole seperate world. It really reminds me of the way Columbine st. used to look in the winter, early morning, when I was walking home after taking Emiko-chan to the bus stop. ^-^

who knows, maybe it will inspire a story! That would be pretty awesome, since I can't seem to write right now...

Oh yes, and I took a bunch of planty/scenery pictures, look!

<--- a beech tree I think <---"I am the Lord of the Oaks!

Book Mania

I must be feeling more myself recently, cause I've been buying a lot of books. XD A LOT! It started when I went to Barnes & Nobles with my Mom. Specifically, I was going there to pick up the new Eragon book... which I have yet to read...

Here's what I ended up with at the counter:

Brisingr, by Christopher Paolini (yeah, third Eragon book)
Castle in the Air, by Diana wynne Jones (sequel to Howl's Moving Castle! whooot!)
Dragonhaven, by Robin McKinley (okay, first off, a new McKinely? oh YES!)

and a few little books for my sisters and other relatives for Christmas. ^-^ (which, obviously, I cannot divulge at this time.)

You'd think the book madness would have ended there... at least till I finished reading those. XD However, you'd be wrong... so very wrong.

Yesterday, I hit the thrift stores with my Mom... here's the treasures I unearthed after going through TONS of romance titles. lol

The Great Good Thing, by Rodevick Townley (I actually read this already, and it is really good!)
Swan Sister: Fairy Tales Retold, assorted authors (Yes, I am a sucker for fairy tales.)
King Lear, by Shakespeare o' course! ^-^
Canterbury Tales, by Chaucer
Night's Daughter, by Marion Zimmer Bradley

and a few more book gifts for Christmas.. including one for Loralin! Shhhh. *wink* Lesson learned from this experiance? If you're going to go book-crazy it's best to do it in thrift stores, because $5.00 beats $60.00 every time. XD

Renaissance Fun

Ohmygosh, DRAGON! ^-^

I have no problem admitting that I love renaissancey stuff... the clothes, the crafts, and of course the fantasy/mythos elements. ^-^ It's why I've been so interested in joining the SCA and stuff like that... though my only real experiance with anything like that is the people that walk in the July 4th parade in Kenai, and do fighting and whack-a-knight at the festival.

So, you can imagine how excited I was last week when Lucasa asked if I wanted to come along to the Renaissance Fair! *bounces* Course, one must follow the right steps to truely enjoy a Ren. Fair...

Step one: Buying the right stuff - For me, this involved sitting in the car for several hours, but was otherwise not that difficult. XD Lucasa tipped me off about this really great little thrift-store in Redding called 'Rags'. They sell costumey stuff and they even rent really awesome costumes just for Fairs and things. ^-^ I just bought some simple things though - a black skirt and a red corset-ish bodicey thing, to go with my grey peasant top - cause I'd rather have my own... (and I'm not nearly so handy with a sewing machine as Loralin!) I also went to Wal-mart and bought a pretty aquamarine umbrella, since it's been raining a lot recently... and was supposed to keep on raining the whole weekend of the fair.

Step two: Getting there - It's pretty funny, but this was probably the hardest part. XD See, Lucasa was going to pick me up on Saturday, after church, but there was a little mix-up about WHERE he was picking me up, heh. So, there I was on the church steps last Saturday, all changed into my peasanty outfit and wielding my umbrella against the intermitant drizzles... waiting... and waiting. I was there for about an hour and a half, and Lucasa and friends had to drive out to Cottonwood, and then all the way back into Redding... and then back out towards Anderson again.

However, we did reach the fair eventually. ^-^ And it was even sunny by then! We buckled on our swords (well, the boys did), slung our packs over our shoulders and headed in. Which brings us to...

Step Three: Just take it all in! - I've only been to the one, but so far I think that the best thing about a Ren Fair is the people. There's just people everywhere! And almost ALL of them are in costume of some kind. I saw scotts, vikings, irish folk, fairies, and even GNOMES! ^-^ Not to mention that I myself came with two pirates and a farmer.

(Chad and Amber, pirates)

(Lucasa, farmer)

Everyone was just walking around, chatting, usuing accents, listening to music, and generally having a fabulous time.

Not only that, but there were tons of things for sale! Costumes, weapons, eating and drinking untensils. You name it, they were selling it. They even had suits of chainmail that people had made! O.O And of course food, and mead. ^-^ We looked through everything. I actually ended up buying a metal circlet dealy, and an iron pin that says 'Evil Apprentice'. (I still owes Lucasa some moneys....)

Aside from buying, there were a couple of other things to do. We watched a 'danger' show that was actually quite funny. And I shot a few arrows over at the archery range. ^-^ Lucasa got some good pics of that... which he neeeeeeeeds to send me... *shiny kitty eyes*

All in all it was very fun. I am sooooo going to the next one! ^-^

Backposting

I believe I mentioned that I've always been very bad at keeping up with journals, yes? Well, here is the proof right here. ^-^ Although, things have been so... just kinda crazy since we moved. I think that gives me a little bit of an excuse. A very little bit of one.

Now, in a roleplay, when you fall behind this badly there is a very neat little trick that you can use to get yourself caught up again: Backposting. Basically you just post what your character was doing during all the preceding events, what they thought about them, and then what they are currently doing.

It's a good thing I had great occaision to perfect this technique during my early roleplaying days. ^-^ So, let's see where we were...

I actually had a really great last week in Alaska. I was able to hang out with my Moriko-chan, and I even found some time to get some posts done for The Becoming. ^-^ I was a bit upset that I didn't get to say a last goodbye to ALL of the WA chickys... but they were crazy busy, so I totally understand. I DID get a grand farewelling in on friday though, with my good theatre friends. What a blast we had with our theatre grandpas and everyone! When I can find the cord for my camera I am soooo putting up pictures.

That weekend was when things started gettting a bit crazy. It really was good crazy at first though... we started our yardsaling again early Saturday morning. And we sold a LOT! It was really fun actually. Our friend Sue came over to help us out both Saturday and Sunday. She even bought this really cute blue dress from Kimi-chan to go with her new, veeeery sexy, old car. I think it was... a Jaguar? *can't remember* It was blue and AWESOME, that much I remember. By five o'clock Sunday, when we closed the yardsale down, we had gotten rid of a TON of stuff, including all of our shelves and furniture. Unfortunately, we still had half a basement full of junk to sort through and toss out. >.<

Now right here, I'd like to just take a moment to say a big, big, big, BIG thank you to all of our friends who helped us out. Especially Riot and Timmeh! Seriously, I don't know what we would have done without those guys there. They stayed at our house all night Sunday, helping us sort things and toss things. I know there were some times we were all about ready to go crazy, or just fall asleep. XD But we made it. And they're a big part of the reason why.

Everything we hadn't been able to sell ended up loaded into a couple of trucks and taken over to my Mom's work, at about two in the morning. Wow, were those trucks ever piled high! O.O I remember a plastic lawn chair flew off the back of one. Mom and I had to pick it up... haha, that was pretty funny. The whole thing kind of made me feel like a goodwill ninja. Or one of those elves in the shoemaker story.

Breakfast at Sal's (fun!), some cracking and crying, and a few trips to the post office and the dump later, it was over. We were finally finished. Sitting in the airport though, I have to admit that there wasn't any sense of accomplishment or relief. I just felt really empty, staring out the window and trying to memorize exactly what the trees at the far edge of the runway looked like. There'd been so much to worry about and think about before... but now all there was was knowing how much I was going to miss my Alaska, and all the people there.

I did manage not to cry when I hugged the guys goodbye, which is something to be proud of I suppose.

I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty depressed on the flight to Anchorage, and the one to Seattle too. I did manage to get some sleep though. By the time we on our way down to Sacramento I felt a whole lot better... and when that suunshine hit me... oh yeah. ^-^ Everything just got brighter. I got some beautiful pictures of some of the big peaks in Oregon and Northern Cali too. (GOTTA find that cord)

And then there we were, California! And our family was there to meet us at the airport. It was fantastic! So sunny, and warm. ^-^ The drive up to Cottonwood was nice too, though I admit I was sleeping a good deal of the way. Hehe.

Never let it be said that I come from a boring family. We know how to keep things exciting. Barely two days after we got down here, we went mini-golfing with two of our cousins. Afterwards we went to the sundail bridge... and Kamiyay broke his leg. XD Stepping off a wall. Yeah, that was certainly an interesting night. Ashleh was fabulous. She called her mom, then 911, and pretty soon we were all off at the hospital. Ain't no part like a hospital party! XD

So pretty much what we've been doing is hanging out together here at the house, watching Heroes Season One and playing Halo.

Other things that have occured since I got here? Well, all my sisters started school. Even Kimi-chan, since she decided to go to college down here rather than flying up to Fairbanks by herself. I also got to meet Lucasa, who I've been talking to online for a while... My first online friend met RL! How cool is that? He's nice, with crazy curly hair, and he and Kami taught me how to play Munchkin. FUN! I also finally bought myself a psp. *bounces happily* I got a game called 'Tales of the World: Radiant Mythology' (yay Tales series!), which is REALLY fun. The battle system is pretty much the same as Tales of Legendia, so it was easy to get into. I've been playing it a LOT. Hehe.

Ohmygoodness, almost all the way caught up now! ^-^ The only thing left to tell is about last weekend. On Saturday we all piled into a car and a truck and drove down to Arcata, on the coast. The trip was around three hours long, and it was a BLAST. We brought walkie-talkies to keep in touch between cars. Haha, there was some funny stuff going back and forth on those! And the mountains around Redding are really pretty. Not as green as AK, but still fascinating. We even drove through Willow Creek, which is like, the home of BIG FOOT. O.O

When we got to Arcata we dropped Kami off at his friends' place (cause he' still on crutches), and then all us girls headed down to the beach. Arcata is really cool. I've never seen such narrow streets. There were cars parked everwhere, and lots of people riding bikes. The buildings were really cool too. Lots of neat styles and stuff.

The beach was fun. It actually reminded me a lot of the beach in Kenai... only there were hardly any rocks, BIGGER shells and stuff. And the waves were like, huge. In comparison anyways. ^-^ We spent a couple hours just walking down the beach, running in and out of the surf, collecting things and stuff. I even tried building my wall against the tide. Haha, it wasn't much of a success without Ryan there to help. XD But it was fun.

Eventually we all got hungry, so we got out some blankets and sat down and had lunch. Ohmygoodness, sooooo delicious! ^-^ I mean, turkey and cheese on tasty itallian bread is tasty enough. After a day on the beach? Even better. We ate till we were all happy and full, and then just kinda laid on each other's stomach and chilled. I took a nap actually. It was nice, so soothing and calm there on the beach. My sisters got up to some mischief of course. ^-^ We were all rolling with laughter before we left. It was really great.

We got to take a driving tour around the Humbolt University campus before we picked Kami up. Tetsu-chan's planning on going there in a few years, after she graduates. Pretty awesome I think. It's beautiful. Plus Kami says it's cloudy there almost all the time, and it rains a lot. She'll just LOVE that. Hehe

The trip back was possibly even more fun than the trip there. We sang Kami the Cheeseburger Song at one of our rest-stops, which sparked singing over the walkie-talkies. XD One car would sing part of a song, then the other car would sing part. It got pretty silly. Bohemian Rhapsody was featured at one point even... and the Gummy Bears theme song. ^-^ Goooood times. I love my Cali family, seriously. They rock.

Sunday, was my Momma's birthday. I'm going to be a good daughter and not say how old she turned... Ashleh and I went out in the morning to go shopping for her. She wanted to make a candy bouqet. THAT was fun, and Mom loved it.

And that's about it I guess. Nothing exciting this week... well okay, we DID get Heroes Season Two on DVD! ^-^ We'll be watching it soon. I can't wait! ^o^ I've been working on my book, and my other stories; but haven't gotten very far. Just haven't found my rythmn here yet I guess. I've been looking up things about the SCA. I'm thinking about joining sometimes after I find a good job... which is hopefully soonish. ^-^

Which just leaves me here, today, surfing around try to catch the Allyny Meister on msn...

See, isn't backposting just awesome?

Waste Not

I am often accused, mostly by my own sisters, of being a packrat. That only becomes a bad thing when you get to the point where you can't throw gum wrappers away because you just know that you're going to be able to use them as bookmarks someday. Thankfully, I've never been quite that bad. ^-^

My family is always commenting, however, on all the things that I do keep, until they are completely and utterly worn to shreds. The favorite seeems to be my purple snowboots. (Which I love dearly) I've had them since I was about.... twelve? Somewhere around there. They still fit, they're still warm, and I still think they're cute... so why get rid of them? If it's not broken, don't fix it.

Of course just because it is broken doesn't mean it needs to be thrown away. ^-^ Especially with clothes, I have a 'If you can fix it, you don't need a new one,' policy. It really doesn't come into play that much; because I am pretty good to my clothes and shoes. Usually it's my pants that I end up mending. They get holes in the knees... and on occaision in the bottom. I get very fond of my jeans and things; so I'm not about to throw them away for a little hole! As long I have a needle, thread, and random scraps of denim or cloth I will always have a few pairs of favorite jeans kickin' around my closet.

Maybe, with luck, I can pass them down to my own girls someday? Patchwork ought to be back in fashion by then. ^-^

Memories of Worth

Yardsaling (that seems to be the way one would spell it) is an interesting experiance. Not that I've never done it before; it just seems different now. The last time we really and truly had a big yardsale was when we moved up here to Alaska from Susanville (CA)... about twelve years ago. So, I guess it's not really a surprise that my perspective of it has changed.

I can remember being eight, setting up my little blanket out under our great big tree in the front yard, and carefully arranging all of the little items I'd decided to sell. I even had tags by everything to say how much it was. An old toothbrush, some kind of little plastic dog, a very pretty costume necklace with pink plastic gems, and lots of ribbons are the things that stick in my mind when I think about it. That and the excitement. We were moving, and I was going to help! I dug around in the bottom of my toychest for little things I thought someone might want. I was going to make soooo much money to help us all get to Alaska... maybe even ten whole dollars! O.O

I didn't care about what was leaving, and the things that we were leaving behind. I was just so wrapped up in the fact that we were going. Well, now I'm all grown up and things are a little different.

I'm still excited to be moving, back to where our family is. I've really missed them. It's exciting to be starting all new down there... but this time I'm leaving a lot more behind. Eight to twenty is a HUGE chunk of your life. This move not only came with more emotional attachments, but a lot more baggage to be shed as well.

Yesterday afternoon, while I was sitting out with my Mom, it was so strange to watch people looking through all of our stuff. I thought, "It's like they're poking through twelve years of memories." And most of them weren't too excited about it really. It made me sort of mad, that they didn't seem to want any of the little things that we had collected over the years. And some of them acted like our prices were way high. One whole dollar each for paperback books that had been loved and cherished and read over and over? Ten dollars for a pretty lamp that had held back the frightful flights of over-active imagination for a young girl of 13? Outrageous! How could they turn up their noses at such treasures?

And then I felt sort of strange for feeling mad because, well, HOW could they know the wealth of special memories they were getting with almost every single thing out there? All they could see were the THINGS. Even if I could manage to somehow package all those memories up with each stuffed bear or necklace, they still wouldn't be worth as much to others as they are to me.

Worth, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

Luckily memories of worth aren't about things, but about people and hearts. So, no matter what happens to our twelve years worth of junk, the memories will always be mine. I'm going to remember that, remember all the special things I'm KEEPING, and also try very hard to remember an eight year old's love of adventure and change when we put out the yardsaling signs again next weekend.

Things To Be Known

I've never had a blog before. I've had a diary a couple of times, and technically I still have a journal... I've never been good at keeping up with any of them. Really, the only reason I decided to start a blog at all is because I'm moving at the end of July; and I have so many friends here in my beautiful Alaska who I KNOW I'm going to forget to call. So this is for them really, so that they can know what is going on with me. ^-^

That being said, there are a few things which must be understood:

*Updates here may be slow for several reasons
1. Because other writing commitments are taking up all of my time
2. Because RL things are taking up all of my time
3. Because I have nothing to say
4. or because I have simply forgotten. (which is probably the most likely ^-^)

*Don't expect deep and detailed accounts of:
1. Everything that's going wrong in my life
2. Relationships
I have a hard enough time writing about those things in the journal which I HIDE, very cleverly I hope, in my room.

*DO expect a lot of chatter about:
1. Things that I am writing
2. Roleplays (online text-style and otherwise) that I am involved in, and the characters thereof
3. Games I'm currently playing or that I have heard about
4. Books that I'm reading, have read, or am looking forward to.
Cause I'm a total nerd and very proud of it. ^-^

*I do not promise proper grammer, punctuation, OR spelling. So, do not lecture me about it... (sideways glances at Loralin and Baltimore) unless it's in some piece of official writing I put up to show.

*All written material and photographs that end up on here ARE MINE, unless stated otherwise. I own the rights to them, and stealing them to claim as your own IS a crime... just so we're all clear on that.

And finally, you should know that several names of real people are being changed for the protection of somebody somewhere...or just cause it's fun... except for mine. Why? Well, because I like mine. Jennifer Lynn Post. It's a really great name. ^-^